Crying over spilled milk

I've heard so many old wives tales since finding out I was pregnant. It would shock you to know some of the things people have told me. I'm just amazed! They say if you crave salty, it's a boy, and if you crave sweets, it's a girl. I crave both. So who knows. Ever since this whole thing started, about 3 months ago... my body feels so different. Mostly good, but some things are a little different. For one, my pants are too tight. Not really impossible to wear, but just tighter than usual. I can barely fit into maternity clothes, but with the hot hot hot August heat, I wear whatever is comfy right now.

I have never been graceful. Ever. Ever Ever. I was clumsy in ballet class. On the softball field. At home. At school. At church. You name it. Ask my mother, she can vouch for me on this one. However, being pregnant has made me even clumsier than before. How is this possible when you're already a klutz? I have no idea. I'm not clumsy in the I'm-about-to-fall sense, just the knocking-everything-over sense.

Today, I realized just how clumsy I really am. I decided to have a glass of milk. Big deal for me because I do not like milk (unless it's in my cereal or latte). I poured a big 'ol glass, sat on the couch, and then somehow emptied it all over myself. Ugh. Then, upon looking to my left, I realized my iphone, cordless phone, and remote control were all covered in milk. I freaked out, but luckily, I acted quickly. The phone costs $10, the remote is replaceable. The iPhone.... not so cheap. I snatched up the iphone, dried it off with a towel and cried while clorox-wiping it clean. It's completely unharmed and works perfectly. The remote control, however, did not make it. I am sorry to announce that I killed the remote. :( R.I.P. remote.

I had to take the slipcover off the couch, toss it in the washer, rinse the couch cushions off in the tub, and clorox wipe the stew out of the cordless phone. Other than the remote, everything survived the lactose attack. New rule: no drinking beverages on the couch if there are any electronics nearby. Not a drop.

After I cleaned everything up, I just sat in the middle of the floor and cried for a while. Why was I crying? It was a silly remote control. I didn't even like it anyway and had planned on getting a better universal remote soon. That wasn't the point. The point was that usually when crises like this happen, I have someone there to help me. He's not here. He can't help me.

I am 24 years old, sitting in the middle of my living room floor, crying. What is happening to me? I mean, I know pregnancy hormones have taken over my body, but this is intense. I called my mother to tell her what had happened. I left out the crying in the middle of the floor part. I tried to laugh it off. Inside, it hurt a lot. I am extremely independent, but being married has made me more dependent on him. Nothing prepares you for this. No matter how often you hear, "I know how you feel" or "I know what you're going through," (from people who have *never* been in your shoes) it doesn't make anything better. It just frustrates me to know the only thing I have control over is my nutrition. I am focusing on that right now. The one thing I can make better is my body's nutrients for this baby.

After I cried, I stretched out on the love seat and just stared at the ceiling. A few seconds later, I felt something move in my belly, right below my belly button. It felt like bubbles and it was like God knew I needed a reminder that everything was going to be okay. It helped more than anything else. Little baby, you are my hero. You have the power to bring a smile to my face when nothing else does. I love you so much already. :)

Week 16

Week 16- Our baby is now over 5 inches long and weighs 3.5 ounces--- about as much as a tube of mascara. That's an avocado I'm holding- the baby is about the same size! This week, tiny bones are forming in the ears, and the baby can now recognize my voice (and daddy's soon, we're going to record him talking!). Eyebrows, lashes, and hair are starting to fill in, and baby is making facial expressions like squinting, yawning and grimacing. The baby's heart now pumps about 25 quarts of blood per day, and the baby's legs are starting to grow longer than the arms! As far as my body goes, my doctor says I look great and my blood pressure and weight are right where they should be. I have heartburn ALL the time, along with a little back pain, but nothing too serious. Frank the cat is still freaked out about sharing me with a baby. See how he keeps jumping in my photos? Silly cat!

Week 15

Week 15- Our baby is now 4 inches long, and weighs about 2.5 ounces, about the size of a naval orange. The legs are growing longer than the arms now, and the baby can move all of the joints and limbs in his/her body. Although the eyelids are still fused shut, the baby can sense light and is forming taste buds this week! I still feel bloated... but I can feel my belly getting harder. My nose is stuffy, and I've been having a little back pain. My doctor says it's because the baby is nestled up against my spine, and not forward on my bladder... so not as many potty breaks for me as the average pregnant gal! My energy is back too... but my sleep schedule is still out of whack!

Week 14

Week 14- From top to bottom, baby measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and weighs 1 1/2 ounces! The baby now has fingerprints and is starting to grow hair. As of now, all of the internal organs are present. As for me, I'm growing on the outside. My pants are *very* tight, I'm having to use a rubber band to keep them closed. :) I still just look a little pudgy, not much of a "baby belly" just yet... but I can start to feel my pudge getting harder. I've felt a lot better this past week, just tired and not enjoying this hot August heat! Note to self: being pregnant in summer time is rough!

Oh- and that's Frank the cat photo bombing my picture. He just loves attention!

Pregnancy pause- 14 weeks

How far along?: 14 weeks pregnant!

Total weight gain/loss: about 4 pounds

How big is baby: My baby is the size of a Lemon, roughly 3.4 inches long!

Maternity clothes?: Still wearing my regular clothes... but the pants are still a little snug. :)

Stretch Marks: None.

Sleep: Pretty good. I wrap myself around a body pillow, which is helping with my back pains.

Best moment this week: Realizing we've made it to semester number TWO!

Movement: Just weird "butterflies"... but no official movement.

Food cravings: Still eating lots of pickles, but I have random cravings for hard-boiled eggs too!

Food aversions: I ate my first "sweet" thing in several weeks. My sweet neighbor made us an anniversary cake the last week Ryan was here. I had one slice... it was good, but definitely tasted really sweet to me. If you know me well, you know I'm a sugar addict... so this is something strange.

Gender: Not a clue...

Labor signs: None

Belly Button in or out? In

What I miss: My husband. He is gone for training, but comes back in about 10 days... only to leave again a few weeks later. boo...

What I am looking forward to: Finding out the gender! It will be a while... our base hospital waits until 22 weeks... which I'm okay with because I would rather know for sure!

Weekly wisdom: Don't get too hot! It's horrible heat here... July with NO air conditioner... so I'm gulping down cold water and sitting in front of a fan!

Milestones: Getting to the end of the first trimester!!! :)

I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go

Well, I had my first real cry today. It caught me off guard, but it happened and I felt better after it happened. I was driving home from work (I teach English to Japanese students) and I turned the radio on in the car. What song comes on? Of course, its our song, "Far Away" by Nickelback.

I just wasn't ready for it. I was expecting some cheesy 90's pop song, but no... it had to be that song. I just broke down. I realized that I was still crying when I drove onto base. I'm sure the Japanese security forces guy who checks IDs thought I was crazy, but I was sniffling the entire time he checked my ID. I got home, hugged my cat, and instantly felt better.

I *know* he's only gone for 2 weeks this time... that's not what upsets me. It's the fact that after he comes back and spends a few weeks at home, he will pack back up and leave for 11 months. This is the beginning of this long journey, and that's what hurts. 11 months... I don't know ANYONE who has been away from their spouse for that long.

I'm trying desperately not to snap at people who make snide little comments to me about what's going on. I know they don't mean anything by it, but it still hurts. And sometimes I wonder... why is it the people who should be supporting you the most that make these comments? Are you in my shoes? Will you be away from your new husband for almost a year? Will you give birth and spend 6 months with a newborn without your husband? No? Not at all? Then just be nice. Stop trying to be "big stuff" and tell me what I "should be doing." Just support me, that's all I ask. Pray for me. Love me. Call me to make sure I'm not crazy. But definitely don't tell me what I should be doing. I'm doing everything I can to not go nuts here, so you acting that way doesn't help.... ugh.

Ok, I'm done ranting. I just needed to get it off my chest. I spent about an hour talking to my grandma yesterday about this. She was raising two young daughters on a military base in England, and was away from my grandpa for a very long time while he was fighting in Vietnam. She told me to keep my head up and deal with things the best way I know how. The hard part is- I'm usually pretty good with confronting people when they upset me... but this is different. This is something so unique and difficult that I have trouble dealing with confrontation and turning to people for help sometime.

On another note- I am learning how little control I really have over my life (as if I didn't know already haha). When I found out in January 2009 that we were moving to Japan in October 2009, I was in shock. We wanted Hawaii or England... but Japan? What was I going to do there? And of all things- on a different branch's base???

This move has been totally worth it! In the past 10 months we've been here, I have made some incredible friends. Life would be bland without them. They take such good care of me and I can't imagine life before knowing them. Without Japan, there would be none of these friendships.

I think it's time for bed... it's 1:07 am Japan time... oops! Baby White needs sleep! :)

Night night Asia... good morning America!

Week 13!

Week 13- Our baby is now the size of a peach, and measures at around 3 inches long! Teeth and vocal cords are appearing this week. Fingerprints have formed on the baby's fingers. My nausea has seemed to subside, but now I'm feeling a little dizzy when I stand up. I'm still not big enough to wear maternity clothes, but my pudge is making my pants a little tight! On another note, this marks the end of the first trimester... whew! :)

12 Weeks!

Week 12- Our baby is now the size of a plum! However, our grocery store was out of plums... so no plum in the picture this week. :) The baby's fingers are starting to open and close, toes are curling, eye muscles are clenching, and the mouth is making movements. Our baby is now about 2.2 inches long! My skin has become very sensitive. I went to the beach and got very attractive sunburn lines on the back of my neck and ankles. My heartburn is getting worse too, but I'm learning what foods to avoid. :)

Happy Anniversary to us!

Well... he's gone. Only for 2 weeks this time. Then home for 2 weeks... then he leaves again for the dreaded 11 month tour of duty. I am handling all of these emotions a lot better than I thought I would, and I get to talk to him a lot through Skype. :)

Today, I am 13 weeks, 5 days pregnant.

Today is also our 2nd wedding anniversary!

I never thought this is where I would be 2 years after our wedding. Pregnant, preparing for deployment, and living in Japan! I have to admit, despite the strange circumstances, my life is perfect. I have a husband that adores me, a baby on the way, and amazing friends that are supporting me through this. The one thing I do miss is my family. I am preparing to go home for Christmas, so that is lifting my spirits. I can't wait to travel at 30 weeks pregnant! (joking... obviously. It's not going to be fun getting there, but it will be a blast once I arrive.)

I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered by the florist today! When I got them, I just so happened to be talking to my hubby on skype. He was happy with their arrangement, but we both laughed at the way they spelled his name on the card- "I love you. -Rian" haha. Only in Japan!

The weather here is still yucky. This morning it cooled down a bit, and right now it's raining. I'm just thankful I don't have many places to go this week. I despise driving in the rain. :(

Well I think that's it for now. Ryan is training, I am cleaning, unborn child is growing... busy family! :)