I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go

Well, I had my first real cry today. It caught me off guard, but it happened and I felt better after it happened. I was driving home from work (I teach English to Japanese students) and I turned the radio on in the car. What song comes on? Of course, its our song, "Far Away" by Nickelback.

I just wasn't ready for it. I was expecting some cheesy 90's pop song, but no... it had to be that song. I just broke down. I realized that I was still crying when I drove onto base. I'm sure the Japanese security forces guy who checks IDs thought I was crazy, but I was sniffling the entire time he checked my ID. I got home, hugged my cat, and instantly felt better.

I *know* he's only gone for 2 weeks this time... that's not what upsets me. It's the fact that after he comes back and spends a few weeks at home, he will pack back up and leave for 11 months. This is the beginning of this long journey, and that's what hurts. 11 months... I don't know ANYONE who has been away from their spouse for that long.

I'm trying desperately not to snap at people who make snide little comments to me about what's going on. I know they don't mean anything by it, but it still hurts. And sometimes I wonder... why is it the people who should be supporting you the most that make these comments? Are you in my shoes? Will you be away from your new husband for almost a year? Will you give birth and spend 6 months with a newborn without your husband? No? Not at all? Then just be nice. Stop trying to be "big stuff" and tell me what I "should be doing." Just support me, that's all I ask. Pray for me. Love me. Call me to make sure I'm not crazy. But definitely don't tell me what I should be doing. I'm doing everything I can to not go nuts here, so you acting that way doesn't help.... ugh.

Ok, I'm done ranting. I just needed to get it off my chest. I spent about an hour talking to my grandma yesterday about this. She was raising two young daughters on a military base in England, and was away from my grandpa for a very long time while he was fighting in Vietnam. She told me to keep my head up and deal with things the best way I know how. The hard part is- I'm usually pretty good with confronting people when they upset me... but this is different. This is something so unique and difficult that I have trouble dealing with confrontation and turning to people for help sometime.

On another note- I am learning how little control I really have over my life (as if I didn't know already haha). When I found out in January 2009 that we were moving to Japan in October 2009, I was in shock. We wanted Hawaii or England... but Japan? What was I going to do there? And of all things- on a different branch's base???

This move has been totally worth it! In the past 10 months we've been here, I have made some incredible friends. Life would be bland without them. They take such good care of me and I can't imagine life before knowing them. Without Japan, there would be none of these friendships.

I think it's time for bed... it's 1:07 am Japan time... oops! Baby White needs sleep! :)

Night night Asia... good morning America!